thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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