My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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