I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
