Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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