just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
