smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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