I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He passed out mid-signature
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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