Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
