and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
