I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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