On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
