$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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