then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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