Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
