will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
