Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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