i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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