hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize