Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize