I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize