I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
