you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize