i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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