We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
