It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
