I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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