My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
