i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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