you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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