brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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