I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
