I murdered the dance floor call the cops
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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