Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
