Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
