Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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