You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
