I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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