There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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