I'm drive I can fine osifer
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
