On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
