i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
