you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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