jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
