Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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