I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
