he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
