Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
