i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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