I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
