I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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