Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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