Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
