why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I CAN MOONWALK!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
