I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
