Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
