It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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