Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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