recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
