So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
