Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize