Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize