We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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