Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
