That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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