you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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