You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sobbing to NWA
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
